Adventures of one who is totally floored.

The day had finally arrived. It was the day of the Police State’s wedding. A very grand day indeed. It started with waking to the soothing sounds of the Police State snoring like someone trying to kickstart a mack truck and the moans eminating from the curate. I was on the trundle bed at the faulty towers towers. I awoke at 6.09 am after going to bed after midnight. I had one of the sorest backs I have ever had. It felt like I pulled a muscle. The trundle bed had claimed another victim!

I could not continue my sleep to this cacophony so I had a shower as I was starting to smell a little after turning up at the Faulty Towers Towers after work and never showered. This was all done by 6.30 so I grabbed some cash and my key and went for a walk through the streets on a mission. I found a little corner store open near by and grabbed some juice and a toothbrush and the paper. On my way back I ventured past the bakery where I grabbed a croissant and danish for each of my posse. The danish were so fresh I had too wait for them to be iced as they were fresh out of the oven. I gotr back just after seven and the boys were still dosing. I went out to the terrace and started to read the paper. The curate was soon to join me on the terrace it was soon to get a little too hot so we went inside. We started to consume our pastry delights and have a chat. This did not meet with pleasure with the Police State, as we were making too much noise!! If you had ever heard the Police State snore Ladies and Gentlemen you would understand why the Curate and I disagreed that in fact we were not the ones making the most noise.

So in a effort to keep him unstressed and happy on his big day we headed down to the gym. We entered and walked straight past the sweaty lady on the treadmill and headed straight to the spa. It was an effort to try and get rid of the pain in my back. It didn’t really work to well. But it was quite comfortable none the less.

Went back up to the suite and woke the police state again. Hung out and watched baywatch on cable. I think it was the first time I had ever watched a full episode. It was the Christmas episode with little people who were santas elves visiting the beach. And as they say hilarity ensued.

I went to Lunch at the House of Chops. I am a member of a club who celebrate that they have been at the H.O.C a certain amount of time. Lunch was pretty good and there was even some of the menu from our wedding so it was good to sample that.

Went back to the room and hung out again and started to get ready for the photographer. As I unfolded my shirt the top button on my shirt that popped off. I called the front desk and told them of my misfortune and the assured my a sewing kit would make it’s way to my suite. I told them I was under the pump time wise due to the wedding. I called again after 15 minutes and then gave up after 45 minutes. Not too impressed good folk of the Faulty Towers Towers.

Till Next Time Just Walk Back to the H.O.C and the Nice People There Will Fix Your Shirt,

Chops

We continue on dear reader with our journey through one night through different peoples eyes. It’s kinda like a Tarrantino film but with out the swears and the blood and drug use and sword play. I think those things are in a Tarrantino film but then again gentle reader I have never sullied my eyes with a Tarrantino film.

The visit of short and eyebrows gained the attention of many protestors from many diverse areas. They were all there the peacemongerers, the unions, immigrant supporters and even those with indigenous rights issues. They numbered around 200 and man could they make some noise. When short and eyebrows entered they yelled all sorts of abuse and continued chanting for the next 5 minutes. What they didn’t realise is no one else could here them. Once you were about 30ft away from the doors you couldn’t hear anything. It may have had to do with the crowd of families assembled for the school speach night we had on at the same time. Have I mentioned I was also looking after them as well and another gig. Oh that Chops he can get around.

The interesting thing about the protest was that everyone shared and took turns in declaring their dislike for Post Meridan. So one minute it was the classic “Workers United can never be defeated” then it was a chant about immigration policy and then my personal fav “(Leader) Always Was, Always will be (congregation) Aboriginal land. It was almost liturgical in nature or caller response. I had it in my head for days. We had about 40 of my state’s finest making sure that everyone stayed behind the barriers and obeyed the rules.

I joked with one of our managers that stayed around incase things went pear shaped that i was going to take my tie and name badge and join the protest. He was going to join me.

The inner conflict I faced was intriguing. Here I was representing the House of Chops but I very much agreed with what the protestors were on about. And there is no cool way to walk up to protestors and say I am with you my brother. It would not be very convincing from suit guy.

Till Next Time I Am With You Comrade,

Chops

We recently had a visit of the short one with big eyebrows. I could think of lots of names for this person and some of those would not be for the g rating of this here blog. But to give those outside of my country a idea as to whom I am speaking of his I could name his job title as Post Meridan or as it is more commonly known as P.M.

As you can imagine it was quite a eventful night. I will break it up into several blogs and show things from various angles. The first one will be from those of us inside the House of Chops.

So when the short one with eyebrows comes into the building it usually creates a bit of a stir. There are meetings between his people and our people. As you can understand I won’t go into what that is about. But it is more like a hollywood movie than you would think.

On this visit around it was more ugly than usual. Because the room he was in for dinner with 750 of his closest friends was being used for 2000 teenagers till 2.30. But a email went around calling all hands on deck and within 10-15 minutes the 2000 chairs were out of the way and table were starting to be set into place. It was a amazing site to behold. It just went so quick. One of the big wigs was there pitching in and he said don’t ever tell a client we can do it this quick if we have to. It was just crazy.

One thing about dinners for short and big eyebrows is that it actually makes my job easier. Basically because every department is freaking out that they could be responsible for something going wrong the supervisors and managers basically live in the room till there part is done. So all the time I would spend finding something wrong is done by someone else.

Till Next Time Anything Is Possible If We Throw Enough Bodies At It,

Chops

Often in my line of work you have to rely on trust and your gut. It is often a case of “Oh, I spoke to blah blah blah and they said it was all right” or I asked the rainbow connection hours ago and where is my blah blah blah. You are always searching for the truth. You can’t doubt what they said as it is also always probable.

I guess that is why we rely so very heavily on stuff which is written down. It is our source of authority. It is funny cause often paper work is referred to as the “bible”. Our morning meeting where we go through the day is often referred to as morning prayers. It was weird for the first couple of times I went and there was no praying. I am most used to praying at all meetings I go to. I went to bow my head and then I realised.

But recently I was at the rundown meeting and saw all the amendments and was all over the little details. So tonight when the client threw a little fit as to why something was not done as she had asked. I mentioned it was not requested. She sharply reminded me that she asked for it at the run down meeting. I really wanted to say unless this was the meeting you had on the planet Koosbane and I was not there you did not ask for that thing which takes a few minutes to install. But being the gracious guy that I am I did not mention the planet Koosbane. I also did not mention I was the good looking guy sitting beside her at the really nice boardroom table with the high leather backed chairs.

Till Next Time Don’t Rub The Clients Face In Their Own Stupidity Even If They Really Deserve It,

Chops

We had a thing and the dude who was behind it is known at least in my country’s media quite a bit. He has a nickname that some of the media use. But lately they have also referred to others as the same nickname. Which is a little sad really. I would sure be hoping that the gentle readers of this here blog would not be calling others they know as Chops.

Anyone this individual who I can’t name for the obvious reasons. And I can’t name the cause that he is know for either as that will also blow things out a little. But let me just say that Dee had recently used this word about Bird she had. I could also say this individual is interested in young people in Bali and China.

He was in the building for a few days. It was interesting. He is know for a quite a dark and mostly negative thing. but there this individual was joking with friends relaxing in the sun and such and generally having a good time. I am not sure what weird stuff I had imagined, possibly rubbing his hands together while cackling that evil mad scientist type laugh. It was intriguing to see the other side of this character apart from the cause for which they are known.

Till Next Time Your Assumpations Are Most Probably Very Wrong,

Chops

A recent event has caused me to ponder. I am finding it very easy to be blase about the House of Chops. It is just where I work. But to others it is many other things. With conferences we often don’t realise the impact of research that is reported at the conference. The fact that we have global experts speak on a very wide range of topics. This was highlighted when we had representatives from around the Pacific rim discuss a very possibly big issue.

It was so big that media not just from our nation but from the world were waiting for any comment from the delegates. The media were roped off into their own little area. But they sat there for hours for anything they could get there hands on. I saw the event on the news and thought that the room was looking pretty good. They used a nice shot with a nice big painting on the wall. It was a little surreal the next morning at 5.30 when I had a early start and in a effort to wake myself I channel surfed. I saw a little of the japanese news and they had footage of the same meeting of the Pacific rim. It shook me a little to how important the meeting was and how many people it could impact and the very small role we played in giving them food and somewhere to talk. So I think our new marketing campaign should be The House of Chops: Somewhere to talk.

Till Next Time Find Somewhere To Talk,

Chops

One of the perks of being Herr Chops is working at the House of Chops. There are certain priveleges and one of those is cheap dry cleaning through our uniform room. Last week for a upcoming wedding I decided to get my dry cleaning done. It was like 10 bucks for my suit.

Last year when I bought my suit my legs were not long enough. So my Mum had pinned up the trousers so I could get them mended. But being the proactive go getter I am I had totally forgotten till I took the dry cleaning into the House of Chops.

When I was putting on my trousers on Saturday it was then that i realised that the good people at the cheapy dry cleaners that we use had actually mended my trousers. Which is a saving of around at least 15 dollars. I was over the moon and telling anybody who would listen. I am tempted to buy another pair of trousers and pin them up and see if they mend those bad boys as well.

Till Next Time Free Mending For Everyone!!,

Chops

Dee, I hope your big thing goes well. If you need a big thing consultant all you need do is fly me to Sydney.

Ian, I need to warn you that a quesadilla is pronounce casadeea. I had been pronouncing it as it is written which sounds very different. I see them as the mexican version of the toasted sanger. But they are most tasty.

Now onto todays adventure. The Lovely One and I went down to the scandinvian furniture store to have a wee look and to buy friends a gift voucher for their wedding on Saturday. I should mention it was the first time I had ever darkened the doors of the scandinavian furntiture store. Oh my what a wonderful place. I tried nearly every couch I could. I was a little like Goldilocks. This one is too soft and this one is too hard but i struggled to find one which is juuusssstt right.

We went from there to buy a card for the gift voucher. It was then that I noticed some very scary magazines. Such as Australian Poultry Monthly. I also spied a magaizne that is just about basketball shoes. That specialty just amazes me that someone cares that much about their kicks.

We also went down to the supermarket to check out the scoffins but they did not have those. On the way back I noticed a young man that looked like he was from the hardcore scene. He had the goatee beard and the tatoos as well as the patented balck tshirt. I spotted the young gent in the beauticians getting a manicure. I had to have a double look. He looked more than a little embarrassed. Ladies and Gents we live in strange times indeed.

Till Next Time I Don’t Feel As Metrosexual As I Once Did,

Chops

My apologies dear reader for my lack of input into this here World Wide Web. But the world has been a very very busy place. So busy I have not had time to blog. Some times in quiet patches on my breaks at work I can jot down some notes from which to blog from. But have been so busy my life seems like sleep, eat, work and minimal time with the Lovely One.

So today I decided on my day off to cook dinner for my betrothed. I have had a mucho craving for mexican lately. Plus the did one of my favourite mexican foods on a cooking game show today. I love Quesadilla’s!! I was pronouncing them wrong for so very very long. But today on the game show the chef guy let us in on what the magical mexican herb you can always taste is. So I dashed out and grabbed some cumin. I always wondered what that flavour was.

My Mum’s cooking never involved much in the way of herbs. Maybe some mixed herbs and some salt and pepper. And also the compulsory mint and parsley in her potato salad. I still can’t eat parlsey to this day it prickles my throat. Please have no cause for alarm as my comments may hurts my Mum’s feelings. She is not web savvy at all. In fact my father still remarks he is getting used to the telephone still and I am not referring to a mobile either!

I nearly forgot the life changing thing that this blog is to be about. As I stepped into the supermarket a smiling lady offered me a try af bit size pieces. What are those I enquired. Oh they are scoffins. Scoffins I say. Well it is a mix of a scone and muffin. And friends let me tell you it will cause a party in your mouth. The only problem they are 3 bucks for a pack of 4 and they did not look very appetising all mushed and not even scone like in appearance. They just looked like baked blobs. But let me tell you very tasty blobs at that.

Till Next Time Make Them Look Better And I Will Buy Them,

Chops