Adventures of one who is totally floored.

While still at the Lovely One’s parents place we did up our invitations for the wedding. It actually seemed to go so quick everybody was there and pitching in from the Sour One to Grubba and of course the Lovely One’s parents. Much thanks most go to them all for the assistance and getting a really big job out of the way.

We left the next day and drove the 4 and bit hours up the back way to the Police State’s new home in a rural town. We drove yesterday to Bundaberg and gave the Bundy Rum factory a miss as we don’t drink as a rule generally. But Bundaberg is not just known for it’s rum these days but also it’s soft drinks and mainly it’s brewed non alcoholic ginger beer. We did the small interactive tour type thing. We did well on the quizzes. At the end is the tasting area. Every one lines up and they pour samples. I had this english guy beside me who I didn’t really look at. The lady said is this gentleman with you. I replied “No I have never seen him ever before in my life” thiniking I was pretty funny. It was then that I looked at him and realised that infact that I did know hi and he was a guy I went to school with. He and I caught the bus with and he was a massive Beatles fan and I think was the dux of my year. We also sat eside each other in senior history and when we did a semester on philosophy and he taught me the Monty Python Philophers song. He was a bit of a nerd really but a nice guy. He got picked on a bit especially in the younger grades of High School. But he was a nice guy.

He was with his partner who ddn’t speak much but to smile poilitely at my jokes. I saw this in the right waty but she was pretty cute. I wished at High School that we could have had a photo of him and her 14 yrs in the future and show it to all the bullys and say I can take your punishment now as the future is bright.

Till Next Time Can I Get One of Those Photo’s Too Please,

Chops

We had no sooner finished the Chops family Christmas when we hopped into the Lovely One mobile and drove the almost 3 hours to the Lovely One’s parents farm. The farm is in a well known farming type region and has been very dry for quite a while. Thye need rain right now so they can plant and such. So if you can pray for that it is appreciated.

We got there and the Lovely One’s family were away at a relo’s place doing Christmas day. The house was nice and cool at 37 degrees. It was around 5 o’clock so thing normally cool down around then. The Lovely One’s parents arrived and we hugged, well I hugged some of them as the Lovely One’s dad and I don’t hug as blokey blokes. I did get a hug out of him at the engagement party. The rest of the clan arrived at around 8 and it was time for pressies. I scored very well and recieved the Women’s Weekly modern classics cook book which is all hard cover and such. I also received a bbq utensil thing whihc was cool, some bbq sauces and rubs and a eggo. What is a eggo I hear you ask gentle reader. A eggo is a egg cooker in the shape of an egg. It poaches or hard boils and tweets at the end. It is very cool and works like a dream mostly. It also poaches the egg just how I like it with the yolk a little runny but not totally liquid. We hung out and talked before crashing to bed.

I awoke the next morning at 6.49 and had shower and with no one else being up went back to bed. I was awoken to people yelling out eggo repeatedly. It was kind cute but I also wanted them to be quiet. I appeased them and eggo was enjoyed by all. We then had the other side of the Lovely One’s family for Christmas part 2. Our contribution was prawns. When you live inland prawns are quite a rare thing. We managed to find while shopping for Chops family things thatin the asian part of town that they have a great range of seafood and it was half the price of other outlets. They went down very well and to my knowledge no one got sick. We had to keep them on ice for 2 days. As always the lovely One’s mum made my favourite Mango Cheesecake. It was qite a hot day but the one air conditioner and some fans did a good job of spreading the cool. It was 40 degrees in the shade. It was all over by 5 O’clock and we visited the Lovely One’s grandma and she has just got one of those chairs with the lifty uppy bits and a remote control. I so wanted t have a go and play rocket man or space oddity or something space related. I just know that it would not have gone down to well.

Till Next Time Are They Killer Prawns,

Chops

Ever have one of those days where you continually feel that you should just give up and go back to bed and everything will then be just all right. It all started when I thought I started work at 3pm. As things are quieter Robin is covering the days and I am looking after the nights for the sporting events that we do. At midday i thought I better check that start time incase it was different to what I remembered. It was it was actually 1pm. I dashed in and had a shower and shave. I got to the House of Chops with 5 minutes to spare. It was then that I realised that my shoes were not in my locker as I wore them to the Christmas Party a few days before. I went upstairs and explained to Robin what was going down. I dashed down to the shops near by and got the best park possible which was outside the shoe shop. I then bought a shining new pair of shoes and went back to work. Everything was going pretty well. I had a good chat to the Freak, the freak is leaving the House of Chops for much greener pastures.

Things started to go downhill quick when I found out that we were not serving hot dogs and serving lasagne in it’s place. I don’t mean to be rude Chef but it’s 35 degrees and we think it is better to serve stinking hot lasagne than hot dogs. That did not go down very well at all. And then three mintes before the game was to start a major part of the sporting equipment needed for the event broke. Things were looking pretty bad. Everyone from our staff decided to have a sticky beak. I hung back and let thse that needed to deal with it deal with it. I walked on at the end and made sure it was all cool. My friend Chicken man was in the crowd and he said I looked important and impressive when I came on at the end after the minions had done their thing. The rest of the game went well.

Aftwerwards I dashed over to the local supermarket. Being so close to Christmas it was open an extra 3 hours and closed at midnight. I got my shopping done for the Chops family christmas. When I returned to my car nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. I called the auto club and they were there in half an hour which is not too bad. It turns out my starter motor is starting to go and just needed a gentle love tap in just the right place to motivate it. I got home close to quarter past 1. I could not sleep so I watched some music vids which always does the trick. I then rose at 7 to start cooking for a Chops family Christmas. Some times I jsut need a big hug.

Till Next Time Remember That Event Management Is A Glamourous Job,

Chops

Even though I am officially on holidays life has continued to be busy. In the Family of Chops Christmas over the years has caused many tears and fights. Even last year there was fights and one of my siblings was so upset by 10 in the morning she yelled at her sibling not me and swore she would never be a part of a Chops Family Christmas ever again. It is a little hard to make this sort of comment as everyone else is sitting at your home doing Chirstmas.

We have tried everything over the years. From going out to a RSL club to other Restaurants it always leads to frustration. We have squabbled over where it should and the menu. We have agreed to all cook a little bit and share the burden. There are so many arguments about what format and all sorts of things. Last years explosion was when my oldest sister decided to rock up to her little sisters place and heat up some spinach and fetta pastries. The younger sister saw this as a attempt to take over and to publicly say to all and sundry assembled that her efforts to provide for the family was not good enough. She also saw this as a attempt to heat up her home by using the oven. Gentle Reader it was ugly and tears flowed and feelings hurt.

Guess who had to plan this year and make sure it was a success. That’s right Gentle Reader it was Chops turn. I think it would be easier to broker peace in the Middle East. In past turns of doing it I was doubted as being a single guy how could I organise food for 12 people. Did I mention I organise Youth Camps for large amounts of teenagers and I work in the event management industry. But the fears were always big and large as to my ability. I decided this year we would meet slightly later than usual. There would be no snacky stuff while opening presents and lunch would start around 12 and comprise the following: Chicken Quesadillas, Peking Duck Rice Paper Rolls, Steamed Pork Buns, Potato Salad, Cesar Salad, Ham, Turkey and some Tandoori Chicken. We charged a flat rate per head. I did a little bit of prep over the few days leading up to Chrissy so it was not too much load on one day. The Lovely One made the Peking Duck Rice Paper Rolls while I made the Mango sauce. All of the dessert stuff was made by a Catholic Church Parish that had a stand at our farmers Markets plus the Lovely One made her world famous trifle with out jelly. Very contorversial thing that trifle without jelly.

It all went very well. Most of the fam had not tried a lot of the food but decided to give it a go. We explained what was in it. They loved it. Some even thought it was a splendid idea and I should do the catering next year. I put the kybosh on the that very quickly. But it was worth it.

Till Next Time If You Need Some One For The Middle Eastern Peace Talks You Know Whom To Call,

Chops

Greetings Getle Reader and Seasons greetings and all that sort of stuff. Many adventures in the world of one Chops. We had the House of Chops Chrissy party and a lovely time was had by all and sundry. I decided to depart from tradition and dress up quite formally. I dressed straight from the Johhny Cash collection and wore my flash buckle shoes which I took from my locker for the occassion and wore my black shirt from the Police States wedding with my flash cuff links and my black trousers from my suit and also wore the fob watch which was the gift from the Police States wedding for being a grooms guy. The food and company were good and a good night had by all. The rainbow connection got in the spirit of things and was invloved in many ways from dancing up a storm. He was tricked whil wearing a blindfold that he and five others were dancing their hearts out. Unfortunately he was the only one left dancing but he rocked the casbah in his own unique style. Things were on his side as the first song was It’s Raining Men which is his all time anthem.

I gave PTM her usual one dance on the dance floor as I don’t dance and her partner doesn’t either but I always give her one dance so she shuts up for the whole next year. As always when Chops enters the dance floor he is surround by 3-4 of the ladies all clammering for a piece of the dancing briliance that is Chops. Thankfully they are desperate for any male to dance near them and I fill the bill nicely as I make them all look good.

I also rocked the house with my actions during “Stuck in the middle with you”. Our table was made up of Steak Cubbers abd 2 random people whom we have never seen before. This caused some pain for Hava as she thought we were blocking her out on purpose which was not our intention on this occassion. The night went very quickly and our world famous House of Chops in house video was hilarious as always. I still have managed to avoid any involvement in 6 yrs.

The night went very quickly and it was time to go home and nurse my very sore dancing feet.

Till Next Time Please Play “Love Shack” So I Can Dance With PTM And Then Go Home,

Chops

I know it is rare that I don’t have much to say. But not much as been happening work wise lately. I went for another job and had experience and yadda yadda and was not even shortlisted. I am not sure why but it was really for the best. It would have driven me nuts me thinks. Things at the House of Chops are slowing down. There are concerns in our office as the C2FL our boss is moving into our space. The grotto is our refuge and our place of solace. I am not sure if it will continue to be like that. So the times they are a changing. We also have some staff changes afoot. Deniro is looking at moving on and going into full time study. The Rainbow Connection is so not keen to share with C2FL he will leave. Hava is going to drop her second bundle of joy. Robin is wondering why everything has fallen down around him. And good old Chops is bitter and twisted slightly and feels undervalued at the H.O.C and is considering leaving after the wedding. So please keep us all in your prayers. If I leave I just don’t know what I will blog about. My job just gives me such rich fuel. I am really not that interesting on my own.

Till Next Time I Am Really Just Bland,

Chops

Yesterday was a day of whimsy and melancholy. It was truly an end to an era. Chili night which was started by my friend BTD have come to a end. For the last 6 yrs of so we have met every few months or so for a Chili night. Chili night like all good food clubs has some fairly strict rules.
1. We exist to eat Chili.
2. You must eat at least two bowls of Chili. A bowl of Chili is considered a bowl once it reaches the green line on the side of the bowl.
3. No Chicks
4. Have respect for the pecking order and do your job.

I know the last rule seems a little obscure. But this is how it goes. Everyone has a rank. The highest rank is the one held by BTD his role is to read the sacred recipe and measure and add the spices to the pot. My role as a founding member is the stirrer. I brown the intial ingredients and then call for the other ingredients. The next role is the chopper who chops the onions and opens all the containers of beans, tomato juice and other secret ingredients. There are other jobs down the pecking order such as the one who grates the cheese and if you have no job becuase you are sop lowly you do the dishes. If you do not go to several chili nights in a row people will challenge you for your role and take over. It can be quite vicious.

Being a friend of ours does not automatically result in an invitation to a Chili night. Several of our friends have been excluded because BTD was afraid of their behaviour and other reasons which he never has really disclosed with the rest of us.

For those of you wondering at home most of my friendships have some connection to food either on the surace or just under it. Well it was a little sad. A friend of mine for around 10yrs or so is soon leaving our sunny shores and heading for the middle of nowhereness that is my nation’s capital. This friend whom we shall call BTD he is a bit of a enigma. Whilst on the outside he can seem dark and constantly negative on the inside he has a deep and close love for those he cares for. He may not always show it easily and clearly but he does let it sneak out from time to time.

When I got sick a few years ago he was a big pillar of support for me and showed his care and concern more than I ever expected. BTD you are a brother and a true friend, you will be missed from our fellowship.

Till Next Time Where Am I Going to Get my Chili Fix?,

Chops

Over the summer months we have the sporting event that we have regularly. I generally look after them and we all have a good workign relationship and it all works well. The problem I have is I actually don”t mind watching this sport. But if I am working it is very hard for me to try and score a night in our corporate dining with the buffett and the good seats and the free food and drink when your in the box as well. A while back I said to my boss SFL if she would be able to hook up the Lovely One and myself. Oh yeah no worries she said. Then she informed that would work out well as she had guests coming from a recent course she had done and she had to work and she would dine with us but if I could answer there questions and make sure they have got enough to drink and so on. Oh great I thought my night off and I still have to work. I did manage to score a extra ticket and invited one of my grooms guys the Chicken Man. He had to pull out and the First One came instead. The First One was selected after a random drawing of my nieces and nephews names.

The food as always was very good. One thing was a little disconcerting. The fish and chicken platters looked very similiar. Infact I thought they were the same thing till I asked the Chef. It was very firm fish and did not taste overly fishy either. But it all went well and managed not to completly cover myslef in food from head to toe. The dessert was a baked chocolate mousse tartlet thing. It was quite small but you really could not eat more than one.

We went on down to the game and got into our comfy seats. I did a bar run and to my shock and horror there was no free chips. I know I had just had a 2 course all I could eat meal. But people there is always room for free chips. In replacement they had individually wrapped mints. They weren’t bad I guess we just have a jar of them in our office all the time.

As the game started and the court announcer welcomed various VIP’s and such they also wished the Lovely One and I congrats on our recent engagement which was nice. It was also a bug night for one of the players. He had to score one point to reach a massive milestone in his career. They gave us streamers so we could throw them at the apprpriate time. One of the ladies in our box and possibly had a wine or two or three by this stage. So when our team scored it’s first points she threw her streamers. The porr guy was still on the bench and not even in the game. So when the grand moment did finally arrive Chops took things to the next level. I threw those streamers like they have never been thrown before. Infact I really did as I totally forgot to hold onto the other end and they flew into the crowd and I think managed to avert disaster by missing one of my fellow corporate box attendees.

Till Next Time Don’t Let Go!,

Chops

I am not sure why exactly but I think I am fairly culturally sensitive. I don’t just mean ethnically but to sub cultures amongst the yoof and such as well. I can sometimes not be all that sensitive but it usually is not on purpose. For instance we did some things that are sensitive to the culture of my Church that are not that much part of my native culture.

Recently the House of Chops was home to a concert of a certain ethnic culture. We had hosted it before on several occassions. The funny thing about the House of Chops is we are all about being the venue for your event what ever shape and form that may take. But you very much have to play the game on our terms or we can get a little grim. Most of the reasons we do that is not that we are lazy but it is more efficient for us as a large scxale operation. We can sometimes not be flexible because of operational limitations. For instance you have a extra 50 people want to come to dinner and you tell us at 4pm that is a little bit of a problem for several reasons. But sometimes we are inflexible just because that is the way we do things. Even though we ignore what has happened several times before.

So we had the concert I believe it was the 3rd of 4th time we have had. It always goes late and not just like 20 minutes late it is like a full hour late. I had the head usher and the box office manager on my back asking why things were not starting on time and suggesting I should make the client make the concert start because it did not match with the paper work. But people we are dealing with bigger issues than just starting times. The concept of time can be a deep current running through cultures. I am sometimes jealous yet sometimes frustrated by the pacific island concept of “island time” but I understand there is not much I can do. So these two ladies didn’t want to give up. Why aren’t they on stage yet? What are we going to do? Gentle Reader my answer was not much more than “What do you want me to do force the performers on stage?”. They replied with looks that said sure why not and voices that said “Don’t be silly”. Well why ask questions like that. Infact my question to them was “This happens everytime why not warn the ushers it could go over and not to plan anything for between 12 and 1 am because they may still be here”. That’s the thing in my head is the client understands and is willing to pay for them going over so why does it freak our Managers out so much. The staff is here anyway so they may as well make more money out of it. It was scheduled to finish after midnight anyway so it’s not like you can go out and do much after work. Unless you are a total party hard usher and our ushers are not like that much.

As it is the client has that woderful tension as a second generation type person. He was frustrated at the turning up late thing in his parents culture but he was stuck by it as well. So we battled on and I try and kept the crazy people away from the client.

So Tell Next Time Just Roster Everyone a Extra Hour Late Anyway,

Chops

We left our brave heroes battling through mountains of food. We battled bravely and continued to fight the good fight. I think it was especially hard for the curate and I as they gave the two of us around the same amount as they would for 10 people. I for some reason was the unfillable stomach and just kept eating. I did realise I was yet to eat dessert. Dessert on this occassion was a berry cheesecake. I often see it in the canteen on the free cake tray. For some strange reason, possibly the fact we eat it often it gets left behind. It can’t compete with the other goodies on the tray. But I still can’t get enough of it. After Dessert we had speeches.

I had been informed that I was to play the role of M.C at approx 5.30pm. With the help of the Curate I think I did so with the required aplomb. After the kind but slightly drunken words of the heads brides maid lady. It was the time for the big show. It was the Curates speech. He had the audience at Laides and Gentlemen, they were already laughing. He then went into a systematic destruction of the Police State’s character and then finished with some very kind and heartfelt words. It was one of the most amazing wedding speeches I have heard.

We then got to cutting of the cake. The cake was in the form of a croquenbouche. Some of the guests thought I was saying something a little ribald. I was not I was merely describing the traditional french wedding cake before things got all primary school with people giggling. One of the agreements during the event building process was that I was to take home all left over croquenbouche. Little was I to know that infact I was to take the entire thing home. They were serving pre done platters which were out the back. They intended to give me the full uncut version on display. There was no way I could ever consume that much or lift it back to the Faulty Towers Towers.

So we grabbed some containers and dished it up. It was a awful sticky mess let me just tell you.

After it was all over I walked the Lovely One to her car. I crashed back at the hotel to my real bed as compared to the trundle from the night before. I had a debriefing session with the curate and then slept through the night. I then awoke and went straight to the House of Chops for a 5 day run.

Till Next Time Try and Avoid a Sticky Mess,

Chops