Adventures of one who is totally floored.

Had one of those “Aha, that is a handy thing to know moments” the other day. I had finished my day of toil at the House of Chops and needed to buy some tickets for an upcoming gg. I went to park in my usual top secret Chops place but there were no parks available. I thought I would just cop it and park in the big underground carpark and just cop the slightly more expensive cost. I thought this was a reasonable as it was starting to rain.

As I circled lower and lower I found a park relatively quickly and then walked across the street to Codkhorse records (not it’s real name). Codkhorse records is one of those cool kid record shops ala the movie Empire Records or the record store from High Fidelity. To shop there you have to look like you fit the scene of some sort and to work there you have one of those idie rock sort of looks with skinny legs wrapped in black jeans and large moppish hair. So Chops on his way home from work does not fit any of the looks required to shop there. I do love the vibe of the place and the arrogance of the staff. One day one of the staff overheard me say that the cd as cheaper at another store the dude heard me and asked why I would i dare shop at another record store as they were the best.

I waited in line as some cool kids bought tickets and some other cool kids were just hanging around te ticket counter being cool and hip. When I was asked by another dude if he could help me. the cool kids looked at me and got out of my way. The gave me that look that said oh dude you are so old you shouldn’t shop here and especaully dressed like that. I got my tickets and got back to the car park.

I attempted to pre pay my parking as I find it is quicker that way and the machine twice told me ticket was ok. Oh well I will just have to pay at the boom gate. I got to the boom gate and the gent took my ticket and then raised the boom gate and said “thanks mate”. I somehow had found my park and done my transaction all within the “grace period” and thus avoided the 5 dollar minimum parking cost.

I then drove to a couple of streets over to my favouritest donut shop and grabbed a dozen of their very good donuts. I avoided more parking costs by parking in the 2 minute drop off area outside the shop which always seems to give me a park when I want donuts.

Til Next Time Parking In The Inner City Should Be Free,

Chops

Ever come into contact gentle reader with those who want all fo your attention even if it is over the smallest most piddling thing. Well gentle readers you can probably guess that I have indeed been recently butting heads with someone who is of that opinion. We see them every now and again. Everythign we do is to spoil there event and make them the laughing stocks of what they do. Some days we do feel like doing that and making people the laughing stocks of their relevant industry. In this case it is no accurate however.

We have however endeavoured to bend and be flexible like a young sapling to keep them happy. But no attempt of appeasement seems to be working. It is one of those situations where one wishes that they could put both feet down and go there will be no further negotiation and what you asked for prior to the event is what you are getting.

Part of the hassle is Captain Fussy Pants who continues to make numerous changes and is growling that they don’t have the entire level to themselves is not actually our contact. They have made their assistant the one who is our contact so we negotiate with them and the world is a happy plus and then they continue to change their minds when the assistant tells the boss what is going on. It is very hard to hit a target that is constantly in a state of movement.

Till Next Time Just Think Happy Thoughts,

Chops

On the other side of the City of Chops is a small village located in a valley. I have had friends who live in the valley for many years and am reasonably familiar with the area. We were in the area for an engagement brunch and heard through a colleague of Mrs Lovely One who also grows and produces his own olive oil that the show was on.

So after the engagement party we rocked on down to the show which is held in a little valley at the back of the area with a creek nearby and some buildings that looked like they had been their for many years.

We entered the main “pavillion” and checked ot the various competitions. I saw some rather large gourd type things. We also saw some other comps we think we will enter next year. One of the comps we are up for is the plate of 6 strawberries. There was one entry and it was rather mediocre. So we reckon we could give that a bit of a tilt. Also the presentation basket of home grown herbs were not that impressive. We also think our scones and carrot cake would win. I also have a hunch that there is some rigging involved in this competition thing. Because there were some entries i the art and cake decorating that did not win and only got highly commended.

We also checked out the wood chopping and saw my favourite event in the wood chopping the tree felling. If you don’t knwo what I am talking about it is where you get a tree and insert a plank and then chop a hole in the tree and stand on the plank. You then do that two more times and then chop the log on top in half and the drop to the bottom and start the process all over again.

We also checked out the tent pegging. It’s where you ride on a horse and at full gallop attempt to pull tent pegs ut of the ground while you hold a javelin like device. It is a pretty amazing sport to watch.

We also walked through sideshow alley with the games and rides. As I walked by I heard a couple of times “C’mon big fella how about you win the pretty lady a prize”. I thought that was the kinda thing you hear attributed to Carny folk but they never really said it.

Till Next Time She Doesn’t Need A Prize She Already Has Me,

Chops

It is with sad regret that soon the literacy chart fun will end. My next thing to make fun of is a cookbook dating from the 1960’s. As I have already one recipe already there will be many more to come. The recipe you may remember was for cheese sandwiches and the first ingredient was actually boiled egg. So i think that will be pretty funny and who knows when you will need a recipe for Lettuce Soup.

Till Next Time Look Out For Lettuce Soup In Your Local Bistro,

Chops

The question I would like to pose is: Do the colourful balloons float over just squares or is it any geometric shape?

Till Next Time There Are Only 4 Literacy Chart Jokes Left!!!

Chops

Every have one of those days where you feel like one of those dudes you see at the circus who spins plates. My job often makes me feel like a plate spinner. Firstly I have to get all the plates up adns pinning and then give them enough attention so the plate doesn’t fall off and cause a whole lot of noise and damage. Recently I had 6 plates all spinning at once and they all had to start spinning at a very ungodly hour. Everything was going pretty well and none of the plates were looking unsteady till one of them had boxes we could not find. But fortunately the boxes were found and the plate was back to spinning at it’s best.

But to make the gig even harder of the 6 events 4 were regulars which have a reputation for being quite time consuming if things aren’t right. So it was important to get everything perfect before any of them came onsite which means poor Chop’s alarm went off at 4.30 in the morning.

But it all went splendidly and as always everything went splendidly.

Till Next Time Don’t Let The Plates Smash,

Chops

When I am not at the House of Chops, I Herr Chops dress normally very casually. I am a big fan of tshirts and denim of some form. If it is Summer it would be shorts and Winter conversely jeans.

But I continue to be amazed at the reaction of friends who see me at work. It is normally people who forget I work at the House of Chops or others who have never seen me attired in such a fashion. The reaction is pretty uniform. I usually hear this “Whoa Chops don’t you look impressive” or comments such as ” Don’t you look snazzy wearing the big boy pants”.

All I wear is a suit. It is a suit which has been custom fitted by fine adjustments by our seamstress to the form of Herr Chops but apart from that it is off the rack. It is not a overly snazzy suit by any description. But it always impresses people. I think for some reason being a slightly larger chap I am actually if you forgive the pun suited towards a suit. It seems to hide the mild imperfections of my form.

You would think with that being the case I would wear a suit more often. My opinion is of the opposite if I wore a suit more often it would no longer be special and unusual. So suit time is a special occassion of some sorts usually.

Till Next Time I’m Snazzy,

Chops

I have days where I really love the land of Chops and the cultural diversity and the way people remain true to their ways and culture but still embrace their new home. I was driving up the hill when I saw women of African heritage in traditional clothing walking in a line. They looked serene and elegant as they strode, almost regal. But each one had one of those new fangled reusable shopping bags perched on their heads. The two at the front were doing it with no hands!! The younger looking one at the back needed a hand of assistance. It would have been a great ad for the supermarket. it was one of those moments in which I wished I had a camera.

Till Next Time Celebrate the Cultural Stew,

Chops

It was a very strange experience to say the least. Every day Antarctica (not a real name) would come up to me and ask for a different type of food. I am a very helpful chap or at least I try to be but the warnign bells started to go off.

The descriptions given for the food desired where not just simple but complicated and fanciful. I was sought out to procure cake for a celebration. I was given strict instructions for what the cake was to taste like. I then passed on all this data to PRC who exceeded everyone’s expectations.

Once this mission was done it just got worse and worse and was almost begging. And seeing that this person was not the slimmest on the bloke. I started to feel like I was their dealer so that could get one more creamy fix. One time the request came for food they even gave me a second choice. If you can’t get me X can you at least get me some Y. I will admit I didn’t try to fill their desires. I did manage to get myself some X and it was pretty spesh. But was not amazing experience Antarctica described.

Till Next Time It Was All A Little Creepy,

Chops

Till

Whilst in the territory of the Polics State’s abode we went 4wd with a friend of ours NGR (not his real name) our first stop in the state forest was one of those really tall observation towers. Most of our crew got to the top including Herr Chops. I had already slightly sore thighs from the previous weeks work but after climbing several hundred steps my thighs were sore for the next two days. But my goodness what a really nice view. NGR had one of those toys with the parachutes and he threw that off the tower and it promptly sailed gracefully around and then promptly into a top branch of a tree.

We then went for a cruise and NGR went to miss a bump which sent us into a bit of a skid and then promptly to a screeching halt. We narrowly missed several trees and I thought we were about to roll. I must say NGR does know what he is doing and such but it was quite a scary moment. I think my pants went a dark shade of brown after that.

We hung out and had some lunch and cruised around the local area.

Till Next Time My Pants Did Not Start Out Brown,

Chops